Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.
You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
I know God is real.