Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.