The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.